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Parallel Parenting: When Co-Parenting Won’t Work

September 26, 2023 by Paul Shafranski

a parent and child holding hands with the sun behind them

Co-parenting during and after a divorce isn’t easy, even under the best of circumstances. It asks a lot of both parents: to set aside or ignore their feelings toward their ex-spouse, to put on a happy face during exchanges when they are emotionally distraught, and to restrain themselves when potentially triggering comments are made by their ex-spouse. Many divorces are based, in part, on communication issues between spouses, so there is no reason to think those communication issues will simply vanish when it comes to co-parenting. Fortunately, something called “parallel parenting” offers another option, in particular in high-conflict situations.

What is Parallel Parenting?

Parallel Parenting is a type of parenting in which both parents severely limit their communications and contact with each other. Often they agree to one specific form of communication, usually written, such as text messages, email, or use of a third-party parenting app. Instead of parents speaking regularly to each other about their children, they limit their communication to only that which is necessary, and usually only when an exchange has occurred or is occurring. For example one spouse may text the other that a child has a cold before dropping him off with the other parent. Otherwise, communications are limited to only what is strictly necessary. “Just the facts, ma’am.” No one is asking about each other’s weekends or how the new job is going.

In more high-conflict parallel parenting arrangements, the children are exchanged in “neutral” third-party locations, such as a parking lot, instead of at either spouse’s residence, which can trigger conflict.

While the ideal arrangement is healthy co-parenting in which both parents are able to communicate robustly about and around their children, this is simply not a realistic option for many parents. In those situations, it is in the best interests of the children that they be sheltered from parenting conflicts, even if it means setting up strict communication boundaries between parents.

Parallel Parenting Doesn’t Need to be Permanent

Just because a rigid Parallel Parenting arrangement is necessary during a divorce, or immediately upon conclusion of a divorce, does not mean that it will be necessary forever. Often Parallel Parenting offers parents the opportunity to get comfortable with their new lives, their new independence, and their new roles as single parents. This can provide the hostility and negative emotions between parents the opportunity to dissipate. Once things have “cooled down” between the parents–after a few months, or a few years–they can allow their Parallel Parenting arrangement to evolve into a more traditional co-parenting relationship, with stronger communication and integration between the parents. Text messages only become phone calls and FaceTimes as well; exchanges at the mall parking lot start to occur at the parents’ residences; parents start to share details about the children’s time with them with the other parent. Sometimes getting to a point like this requires distance and strong boundaries at first to get there.

Parallel Parenting Isn’t Just for High-Conflict Divorces

When you receive your Final Judgment of Dissolution of Marriage, you will be legally divorced, and you will be financially divorced. However, in many cases you will not be close to emotionally divorced yet. Couples often focus so much on the details of the divorce itself while it is happening that they do not take the time to process the emotional cost of being divorced officially. Even if you are on decent terms with your former spouse, coming out of a divorce can be a difficult time, one in which boundaries and limited overlap between the parents may provide both parents the opportunity to “move on,” which they were unable to do while in the midst of a divorce. A less rigid form of Parallel Parenting can aid couples who need the time and distance to process their divorce before establishing a new co-parenting relationship in the future. Opting for a short- or medium-term Parallel Parenting arrangement can often be the best way for families to move into healthy long-term dynamics.

Figuring out the best parenting arrangement for your family can be one of the most difficult decisions you make during a divorce, but it is also often the most important. Each family is unique and as such no one-size-fits-all Parenting Plan will work for every family. When you are ready to explore your options and discuss parenting further, click here to schedule a consultation.

The Importance of Communication in Family Law Cases: Strengthening Your Relationships Amidst Legal Challenges

August 8, 2023 by Paul Shafranski

Divorce and family law cases can be emotionally challenging, putting tremendous strain on relationships with loved ones. As a collaborative family law firm dedicated to supporting families in Central Florida, we understand the significance of effective communication during these trying times. In this blog post, we delve into the importance of communication in family law cases and offer practical strategies to maintain healthier relationships with your family while navigating the legal process.

The Power of Open Communication

When facing family law matters, open and honest communication is the cornerstone of resolving conflicts amicably. Transparent communication can foster understanding, empathy, and cooperation, which are vital elements for reaching mutually beneficial agreements. We encourage our clients to express their thoughts and emotions openly, as bottling up feelings can lead to unnecessary tension and misunderstandings.

Emotions and Family Law

Family law cases often evoke intense emotions, ranging from sadness and anger to fear and confusion. These feelings can cloud judgment and escalate conflicts, making it challenging to find common ground. By acknowledging these emotions and communicating them to your family and legal team, you open the door to greater empathy and support.

We are here to provide a compassionate ear and guide you through the legal process, ensuring your voice is heard and your feelings are respected. Our goal is to help you approach family law matters with a clear and focused mind, enabling you to make well-informed decisions for your future.

Putting Children’s Best Interests First

For couples with children, prioritizing their well-being is paramount. A child’s emotional and psychological development can be significantly impacted by the divorce process. Maintaining open lines of communication with your co-parent can help create a stable and nurturing environment for your children.

We encourage parents to engage in frequent and constructive dialogue about their children’s needs and preferences. By demonstrating unity and cooperation, you can assure your children that they are loved and supported, even during difficult times.

Tips for Effective Communication

1. Active Listening: One of the most valuable communication skills is active listening. Give your full attention when your family members or legal team are speaking, and avoid interrupting. This fosters mutual respect and understanding.

2. Choose the Right Time and Place: When discussing sensitive matters with your family or co-parent, choose a calm and private setting where you can communicate without distractions.

3. Use “I” Statements: When expressing your feelings or concerns, use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, “I feel hurt when…” instead of “You always…”

4. Stay Focused on the Present and Future: While it’s natural to discuss past grievances during emotional conversations, try to stay focused on the present and future. This approach promotes problem-solving rather than dwelling on past mistakes.

5. Seek Professional Support: If communication becomes too challenging, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who specializes in family dynamics. A neutral third party can facilitate conversations and help navigate difficult emotions.

6. Embrace Technology: Utilize technology to stay connected with your family and co-parent, especially if distance is a factor. Video calls or messaging platforms can bridge the gap and facilitate regular communication.

Conclusion

At Artemis Family Law Group, we understand that effective communication is the key to preserving the strength and harmony of your family during challenging legal processes. By fostering open dialogue and empathy, you can navigate family law cases with a more positive and cooperative approach.

Our warm and professional team is dedicated to supporting you through every step of your journey, providing the guidance you need to make informed decisions that serve your family’s best interests. Remember, you are not alone – we are here to help you find resolutions that honor your values and create a brighter future for you and your loved ones.

Reach out to Artemis Family Law Group today to learn more about our collaborative approach to family law and how we can assist you in this important chapter of your life. Together, let’s strengthen your relationships and build a foundation for a thriving future.

Why Collaborative Divorce Is Better for Families Than Traditional Divorce

July 31, 2023 by Paul Shafranski

The team moves at your pace.

Whether you’re motivated to move quickly through the process, or you are seeking a slower, deliberate process, the team is able to accommodate your needs. In a traditional divorce, the timeframe is set by one-size-fits-all statutory deadlines that may not be appropriate for your family.

Your goals and priorities are central to the process.

At the start of a collaborative divorce, each client is asked to compile a list of their goals for the process and after. Some examples include developing co-parenting skills together, maintaining financial security, or ensuring that you receive a fair split of the marital assets. Your goals help the professional team that is supporting you in the process understand what is important to you when exploring various options and scenarios. In a traditional divorce, your marriage is treated more like a business dissolution than a unique set of emotionally-charged circumstances and history.

Your family’s privacy is safeguarded.

Because the conversations and negotiations in a collaborative divorce occur in a private, non-litigation setting, people feel free to have some of the awkward conversations that are necessary to resolving underlying issues in a divorce. Further, collaborative divorces typically occur with minimal filing of court documents, which helps to protect your family’s privacy. In a traditional divorce, extensive personal and financial documents are often filed with the court and are accessible to the public.

Your children are not weaponized.

In a collaborative divorce, parents work with a collaboratively-trained licensed mental health neutral who facilitates co-parenting conversations and helps parents develop a parenting plan and timesharing schedule that is best for the children. Unfortunately, in a traditional divorce, children often end up being treated like objects to fight over and “win.”

Your family’s finances are protected.

Each family in a collaborative divorce is guided by a collaboratively-trained and licensed financial neutral, who gathers all of the necessary financial information to create an overall picture of the family’s finances. This allows the team to explore financial options more efficiently than in the traditional divorce, where each side’s attorney, who rarely has any financial education, spends countless hours poring over financial documents and fighting with the other side to make sure everything is disclosed, and nothing is hidden.

You have the final say in what your future will look like.

At the conclusion of a collaborative divorce, you will decide what your future looks like. In a traditional divorce, your entire family’s history will be condensed into a brief hearing, where a judge who is a stranger to your family will hear minimal evidence and testimony and then decide your future for you. Instead of handing over your family’s future to a stranger, collaborative divorce allows you to stay in control of your family and your future.

Who is a child’s legal father in Florida? Does it matter?

November 7, 2019October 11, 2019 by Paul Shafranski

The issue of paternity is one we find generates a great deal of confusion. Many fathers in Florida operate under the incorrect assumption that biological fatherhood is the same as legal fatherhood, or that being the biological father supersedes being the legal father. It may seem counterintuitive but when it comes to who has the rights and responsibilities of being a father, being the legal father is all that matters.

It is perhaps easiest to explain paternity using examples:

If John and Annie have a baby while they are married, then John is both the biological and legal father. This is the simplest scenario.
If John and Annie have a baby but are not married at the time and remain unmarried, John is the biological father but not the legal father. This is true even if John is listed on the birth certificate. If John and Annie later marry, then John can become the legal father through a process known as legitimation, which involves updating the child’s birth records.
If Annie becomes pregnant by John while they are unmarried and Annie marries Steve before the baby is born, then even though John is the biological father, Steve is the legal father.

If you are not the legal father, regardless of being the biological father, you have no rights to your child. You have no parental responsibility or decision-making authority. Instead, the mother has exclusive rights to make all decisions regarding the child, which can impact your ability to exercise time sharing (custody) or see your child. This is not an uncommon scenario in Florida.

The legal method by which a biological father may seek to be declared the legal father is called a paternity action. Some paternity actions, however, are brought by the mother, in order to establish the father’s obligations to pay child support. By the end of a paternity action, if paternity is established, there should be a parenting plan in place which declares the parental responsibilities of both parents as well as a time-sharing schedule, in addition to child support obligations.

At Artemis Family Law Group, our attorneys are well-versed in paternity matters, having represented both mothers and fathers, and are ready to help you bring some stability and peace of mind to your situation. Please contact us to discuss your paternity matter and we will be happy to answer any questions you may have.

Does Florida have a presumption in favor of 50/50 time-sharing?*

November 16, 2023September 26, 2019 by Teris Deitsch

time sharing - a mediator talking to the parents

*THIS ARTICLE WAS UPDATED PURSUANT TO THE REVISED FLORIDA STATUTE, 61.13, WHICH BECAME EFFECTIVE AS OF JULY 1, 2023

Does Florida have a presumption in favor of 50/50 time-sharing? The new, short answer is YES.

On July 1, 2023, the Florida law regarding time-sharing (formerly known as custody) was revised significantly. After previous unsuccessful legislative attempts to do so, the law regarding parents’ contact with their children now provides that parents should have equal time-sharing with their children. Specifically, Florida Statutes section 61.13 states the following: “Unless otherwise provided in this section or agreed to by the parties, there is a rebuttable presumption that equal time-sharing of a minor child is in the best interest of the minor child.”

What does all that actually mean for parents? Simply put, the belief is that the children should be spending an equal amount of time with both parents despite the fact that their parents are going through a divorce or otherwise separating. In order to overcome this presumption of equal time-sharing, one parent must prove by a “preponderance of the evidence” that equal time-sharing is not in the best interests of the child or children at issue. Thus, the parent objecting would have to show it is “more likely true than not” that an equal time-sharing schedule would not be in their child’s best interests.

The best interests of the children continues to be the primary consideration when it comes to time-sharing. If parents cannot agree to a time-sharing schedule, the court still must consider the 20 factors listed in the statute when determining time-sharing. Further, the court has the final say on issues having to do with children. Parents should be aware that because of this, even if the parents agree to a time-sharing schedule, there is a possibility a court may review their agreement, decide that it is not in the best interest of the children, and establish a different time-sharing schedule.

Another point of note is that the presumption outlined in the new law is a presumption of equal time-sharing, not of 50/50 time-sharing. This may not be a large distinction to some; however, it is worth noting because sometimes, parents can become blindly focused on the numbers, 50/50. We have seen in many instances, parents locked in lengthy, contentious battles to ensure that the child’s time spent with each parent is exactly 50%. This tunnel vision on the numbers, 50/50, often results in parents losing sight of some realities–that their specific circumstances (for example, employment, school, distance from each parent’s homes, etc.) are not conducive to an exact 50/50 time-sharing schedule and, more importantly, that their children will remember the quality of time they spent with their parents, not whether they could look on their calendars and assign them each 182.5 days per year during their childhood.

The Artemis Approach in any matter involving time-sharing is to consider each parent’s case individually and be guided by their family’s particular circumstances before, during, and after their family law matter in reaching a resolution that works best for them. If you have further questions regarding time-sharing, the revisions to Florida’s time-sharing law, or any other family law matter, please click here to schedule a consultation.

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One of the more common, and resilient, misconceptions in Florida family law is the myth that there is a presumption in favor of 50/50 timesharing (formerly known as custody). While it is true that there have been some legislative attempts to create this presumption, no bill has become law that would create this presumption. There is a statement in Florida Statutes section 61.13 that it is the public policy of Florida that each child be permitted to have “frequent and continuing contact with both parents.” However, this is far from the creation of a presumption of a 50/50 time-sharing arrangement.

Instead, section 61.13 provides the judge a vast amount of discretion in determining the appropriate timesharing (custody) arrangement for each case. Section 61.13 lists 20 factors that the judge is compelled to consider when making a time-sharing (custody) determination (see Frequently Asked Question: When can a child decide who to live with in Florida? for a more detailed discussion of those factors). Additionally, section 61.13 specifically declares that “there is no presumption for or against the father or mother of the child or for or against any specific time-sharing schedule.”

Part of what has caused confusion is the change from the prior term “custody” into two distinct, but related concepts of “time-sharing” and “parental responsibility.” As discussed above, the law does not create a presumption of equal time-sharing. The law does, however, create a presumption in favor of shared parental responsibility. Shared parental responsibility is the idea that both parents are equally involved in the decision-making as it relates to their children and that all decisions are made on a joint basis, or not at all. Shared parental responsibility does not mean that the timesharing arrangement is 50/50. In fact, it is quite common for both parents to have shared parental responsibility while exercising a timesharing plan that is far from 50/50.

While it is true that there is no statutory presumption in favor of a 50/50 time-sharing plan, some judges, in the exercise of their broad discretion, will favor timesharing arrangements that are as close as possible to 50/50. On the other hand, some judges view 50/50 time-sharing plans more skeptically than other arrangements. Therefore, it is important to retain a Florida family law attorney, like those at Artemis Family Law Group, who are aware of each judge’s preferences and skepticism in a dissolution of marriage involving children or other family law cases concerning time-sharing disputes.

When can a child decide who to live with in Florida?

September 3, 2024September 20, 2019 by Teris Deitsch

One of the more common misconceptions that we encounter in family law is the myth that once minor children reach a certain age in Florida, they can simply decide for themselves who to live with and the courts will defer to that preference. The reality is that it is much more complicated than that, as we discuss in more detail below. Quite simply though, children do not get to make their own time-sharing (formerly known as custody) determinations.

When the parents cannot decide on a time-sharing (custody) arrangement with their children, the Court must step in and decide for them. After hearing evidence from both parents, the Court will create a parenting plan which is based on what is in the children’s best interests. The parenting plan is a comprehensive document, which includes a time-sharing schedule.

The law instructs the courts to consider 20 factors in crafting this parenting plan (see section 61.13(3), Florida Statutes). These factors include, but are not limited to:

• each parent’s willingness to honor the time-sharing schedule and to be reasonable when change is required;
• how much parental responsibility would be delegated to third parties;
• each parent’s demonstrated ability to act on the best interests of the child instead of their own interests;
• whether it is in the child’s best interest to maintain continuity with the current living arrangement;
• how much time would be spent traveling in order to effectuate the parenting plan;
• the moral fitness of the parents;
• each parent’s physical and mental health;
• each parent’s demonstrated ability to keep the other parent informed of issues related to the child;
• each parent’s demonstrated ability to stick to a routine for the minor child;
• evidence of child abuse and/or domestic violence;
• evidence of substance abuse.
• “Any other factor that is relevant to the determination of a specific parenting plan, including the time-sharing schedule.”

In addition to these, and other factors, the courts are also instructed to consider “The reasonable preference of the child, if the court deems the child to be of sufficient intelligence, understanding, and experience to express a preference.” So, what does this mean and when will the courts actually consider a child’s preference in crafting a parenting plan?

First, the courts are provided an incredible amount of discretion when determining whether or not to consider the preferences of a child in a time-sharing (custody) dispute. The statute does not simply instruct the courts to consider the child’s preference, but requires the preference to be “reasonable” and also only be considered after the court determines that the child has the maturity to express a preference.

Second, there is no specified age in Florida at which the courts will consider a child’s preference. The court will instead decide this based upon the specific circumstances of each case. The older a child is, the more likely the court will consider his or her opinion, but there is still no magic age at which the courts must consider this.

Third, the courts often have strong and justified concerns with eliciting a child’s time-sharing (custody) preferences. The reality is that children’s preferences can be influenced and even manipulated by a parent or be based on things like which parent is the disciplinarian. When a judge does agree to hear a child testify on this matter, it often occurs in chambers as opposed to open court. However, in practice, most judges do not want to hear from the child directly as they do not want to put the child in the position of “choosing” one parent over the other. A better option is to obtain a child’s preferences via the testimony of a guardian ad litem. Additionally, a child therapist is sometimes used to determine a child’s preference.

In sum, most of the time, the courts will not consider the child’s preference in making time-sharing (custody) determinations. If they do, it will be based on the individual circumstances of the case and not on any specific age at which a child will be permitted to make his or her own time-sharing decision.

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